The Waltz

I remember

daffodils and verdant hills

shimmering shores that dazzled in daylight

when autumn was just a distant season

and winter the stuff of folk and lore

 

I remember

the dance of leaves on treetops

and the rays of light on our toes

when a seed was being planted

and a flower could only grow

 

I remember

the flake that turned into snow

and snow that emerged as a storm

as raftless, we swam to shore

with endless miles to go

 

I remember

the tyranny of a winter that would not end

and the fear of a sun that would not shine

a reaping that never came

and a daisy that died too young

 

I remember

a ray of light in a darkened sky

a song of hope in a deserted home

a fluttering of wings

in a dried out chamber

and a firefly that led me astray

 

I remember

our rhythmless waltz and our hopeful hellos

the shuffle of feet to an unstrung guitar

the deafening madness of hearts beating wildly

and the roaring silence of an unsung goodbye.

On Cherry Blossoms

Learning to be deciduous—

like leaves in the fall

that let themselves go

trees’ pacts with the seasons

a promise of hope

that after the winter

their blossoms will grow

—is truly terrifying.

Let’s get caught up, shall we?

Oh gosh.  It’s been so long.  Rather than try to summarize everything that’s happened in the last decade since I wrote, I will just share what’s coming. 

On June 26 I leave Beijing.  Permanently? Semi-permanently?  Honestly, I don’t know.  If my first year in China was a struggle, my second year was a gift.  Magical.  I’m not even entirely sure why I’m leaving, other than that I made a decision last year that I would only stay for another year and I’ve decided to see that decision through.  Everything here has been so wonderful that I repeatedly find myself wondering if I’m making a mistake but there is this tiny, but strong, feeling in my gut that’s telling me to sick to my guns on this one.  So that’s what I’m doing.  But would I ever come back to China?  Absolutely.  If the circumstances were right, I would.  

So where am I going?  Good question!  I’m not sure.  I have some ideas but nothing concrete.  I’ll be visiting my sweet sister in Sweden for a few weeks, and then spending a month or so in PR with my parents, but after that?  My hope is to end up in the USA somewhere, probably in the Southwest, but it’s unclear.

Job prospects?  Funny you should ask.  I’m making a change.  But I can’t really be forthcoming about this yet.  Soon!! But not yet.  But hopefully some exciting things are brewing.

Okay.  That’s my super quick update.  I’ve been writing more creatively lately, so I’ll share a little bit of that, and then maybe later I’ll write some more thoughtful reflections on some experiences in China this past year.

A note on the poems:  some experiences that I did not take the time to process were processed, but I can say with total sincerity that I am really very happy these days and things have been serene on the relationship front for a long time.  So poems that seem to suggest otherwise are just a reflection on a season already passed.